Please confide in your therapist. I think doing so will ease your burden and help you observe your behavior from a different angle. Personally, I've had dogs, cats and farm animals for over 60 years. While I've never abused any of them, I've been harsh sometimes. Although I've cared for my animals well, even sometimes putting their needs before mine, I have an issue of ruminating about whether or not I cared for my animals good enough over the years. If you only hit kitty once and haven't made hitting him a habit, I suspect he isn't afraid of you at all and loves you because you are "his person." I wish you and kitty much happiness.