Sorry I haven't posted the past few days, just been feeling bad lately mentally. Going through childhood trauma from living with my alcoholic mentally unstable mom with my therapist last week brought up all kinds of memories, and there's still something big I have to talk to her about next time we meet.

Anyway, I kept it a secret for my whole life. Never told my mom, anyone. I told my sister about it recently. It happened over 20 years ago. As a kid I felt disgusted about myself, ashamed and hated myself, my body, thought I would go to hell for what my friend did, would stay up crying at night.

Back to what I was originally saying, I never told any therapist about this either because I figured it was stupid or irrelevent. But I think it played a part of a role in some of my mental health issues as a child/early teen. So I'm finally going to talk about it at my next appointment on the 5th. I figured the past is the past but all of it did have some significance and caused me to hate myself,. This combined with my life with my mom. Not ever feeling comfortable talking to her about it because she was the way she was. She wasn't much of a role model or parental figure, I was just there, while she drank all day everyday and got us evicted 20 something times and moving all across the country. She was supposed to go to rehab when she was pregnant with me,but she left and continued drinking the whole time. And seeing her get yelled at, punched buy a guy. Just not good living environments