I think OpenEyes and Bill3 missed what I was saying here.

I'm telling you how I felt, and the thinking I'm fighting against. That's all.

For the rest of the evening my interactions with her remained just as disjointed.

She was friendly, smiley, physically close, then tell me how she couldn't wait to divorce me.

She'd tell the youngest how important it was that they're heard and how important that relationship is to her. But the youngest is saying the same issues are a problem as I am saying, but to me she says they never happened.

It causes so much dissonance in my head that I can't explain it. I'm exhausted, sick, grieving, depressed, mentally scattered.