so bewildered. Just things, voices, images, confusion going around in head. Just a simple human being who was unfortunate in early childhood going on through to teens who was emotionally and sexually abused by a sick person.

From an early age blocked things out, hypnotised, emotionally put down, critisized, not told was good, proud of, loved, apart from my beloved grandad. when 16 my grandad died, still love and miss him.

make mistakes, do bad things sometimes, hurt, cry, laugh, think.

have problems with people. dont trust then if others dont trust think they are misleading me or MY issues interfere with friends. just cna't make anyone understand at all. always seems like a sob story/pityparty not so. this is why i refreained from telling people all these years .in case they thought just feeling sorry for self. not worth people caring. the way it's always been.

mixture in head right now and writing as it comes.hard to take compliments and hard to believe what anyone says...how it is for me. most days now feeling lots better, but some days worse than ever. believe have strength now .... never before ....thanks to you here, friends and family (my kids). its a start. sorry so long .... just needed to write.....

jinnyann