People who are disordered are unhappy and feed off of external people and things to sustain themselves. Alcoholics depend on the alcohol as an outside source to sustain. Even if they reduce their consumption, they often binge thinking they are in control of the disease/disorder when in reality THEY ARE NOT. That is why alcoholism is a very narcissistic disease. They don’t really hold their own, they prefer to blame and put down others instead which is a part of their dysfunction

With her away you and your boys enjoyed yourselves. It was healthy and good. Then she came home and DESTROYED that and insisted on telling you it’s your fault and handing you a verbal list of all the things you failed at and then she announced her plan to divorce you.

Honestly, you and your sons should have stood up to her and told her to LEAVE. She knows you are afraid to stand up to her. You ARE afraid and you instead give in to believing things are bad because of you.