Adult children don’t just wake up one day and say “I’m done with my parent, I don’t ever want to speak to them again.” Making that decision usually takes years and many failed attempts to heal the relationship. Cutting off a parent comes with immense grief and lots of shaming.

Your oldest son already wants his mother out of his life and your younger son agrees. They both are trying to tell you how hard it’s been for them. They care about you and want you to be a part of their lives. They genuinely do not want to deal with their mother.

Life with your wife, their mother is too unhealthy for them. Your wife is going to end up having children that will not have her be part of their lives.