I've been doing OK I guess -- just disappearing/reappearing a lot from most social things (like this forum for example). I got word a week or so ago my therapist is leaving the clinic and she can't take me on at her other job because they don't take my insurance. She's trying to work with me to figure something out where I could stay with her but I don't think it'll work out. She's gone Jan 1. I've not kept count -- but she's number 8 whose left me in 4 years time. I really liked this one too.

I am supposed to go see my doctor in person for a drug test to get my medicine but I missed my appointment because of anxiety of driving 1.5 hours to the city to see him. I haven't rescheduled. I've been without Adderall now almost a week and honestly I feel it may be for the better -- it's a huge quality of life advancement but it's never been worth the chronicled here issues it takes to get it. I may just try to find someone closer and ditch the Adderall. It shouldn't be so hard to get a doctor to prescribe me the other meds. Anyway, I'm just floating thoughts around.

Holidays aren't the best time for me. My mood isn't great -- as per usual we don't put up a tree or decorate. Unemployed I can't give much to any one. I hate feeling like a burden, and I especially hate being in moments where gifts are going to be given and I can't give back.

Despite having all this, today I feel oddly well. I'm rather happy. Let's hope the good vibes stay.

Miss you guys, I gotta catch up with the reading .