Thanks @*Beth* for starting this thread. I only just discovered it. I was looking to interact on threads because I'm pretty alone right now. I haven't read all the posts above. I'll try to read more and understand how others are doing and coping.

This is my third Christmas alone, since my boyfriend died of cancer in 2020. I did very well the last two Christmases. So I'm kind of puzzled as to why I am in the dumps this year.

I live very far from my family of origin. I've always been kind of socially phobic. So I've not built up a network of friends here where I live. COVID kept me from venturing out also.

Last 2 years I was happy decorating my tree, even though it was just for me. This year I barely made myself put up tree and decorations. I kept thinking it was kind of pointless, since I won't be entertaining anyone.

I'm glad my tree is up, even if I'm the only one seeing it. It stands in front of a big living room window. I do believe my neighbors notice it.

I haven't even shopped for what I'll cook on Xmas eve and Xmas day. Back in 2020, I invited a girlfriend over for holiday meals. Then last year she decided she was not going to get anymore COVID vaccine shots. Now I won't visit her or invite her over because she's not current on vaccines. That's her right, but I'm very afraid of getting sick. I was admitted to the hospital 3 times in 2022. I'm recovered and don't want any more sickness.

I've been thinking about getting a dog. But with no family or close friends nearby, I worry what I would do about a dog, if I had to go back in the hospital. (There's a possibility I might need surgery.)

Tonight I'm starting to feel better, but mornings I keep sinking down. I should have volunteered to help out somewhere.