This is more of a parenting issue than a sex and gender issue so I thought I would try posting it here. My 11 yr old came home from school this week with a zillion questions following his 5th grade "Growth & Development" lesson. I knew this was in the curriculum and am familiar with the content presented.

However, I am really questioning my ability as a parent to handle the sexual development of my children. I know this is difficult for most parents, I just seem to be particularly sensitive about it. In my childhood home any thing remotely having to do with the reproductive system was totally off limits. So you can appreciate where some of my anxiety of this issue comes from I will share my only memory of a sex related discussion with my parents.

It's a vivid memory of being backhanded by my father at the dinner table for saying the word "VD". The content of this was actually kind of funny so I will share that too. My mother had called everyone to the dinner table. I was maybe 7-8 years old. My Dad sat at the head of the table and was left handed. I had the misfortune of having the seat to his left. As I approached the table, my Dad was singing: "What do you get when you fall in love.." To which little miss me blurts out as I take my seat... "VD". (LOL) I must have been really young and not had any idea it was anything "bad" because I was caught off guard and received the full blow of the backhand. This memory is unusual because I was alway on alert when within arms reach of my father. I was usually pretty quick so for me to be caught off-guard suggests that I really had NO IDEA what VD remotely meant. There was not explanation given for being hit. Just my father glaring at my mother and telling her, "You had better to something about her... She is trouble." My brother after dinner was laughing at me for being clueless and for getting hit. He simply told me, "VD is a bad disease you get when you have sex."

Anyway, obviously, I do not want to model my parenting after them. Reflecting on how I handled my 11 yr olds questions I think I did OK. The conversation lasted a fairly long time with him doing most of the talking and me just reinforcing, correcting some misconceptions, demonstrating that I am comfortable staying the anatomical terms (which I am really not but pretended to be) and conveying to him that he should be too (in the appropriate context of course). Then at one point he reports that he's had an erection and starts asking about wet dreams. On the surface I hear myself simply stating something like... well that's normal, actually good because it means that you are healthy. It just means that your body is starting to produce the male hormone testosterone. The whole reason you are learning about this now is so that you know what is going on and are not scared when it happens..... BUT INSIDE I am like... OMG... my son is talking to me about this stuff... why the hell isn't his dad the go to person for this discussion? WTF am I doing?

When I think about this exchange I think on the outside I handled it well, but internally I am really freaked out about it. I know it is likely normal for parents to have some anxiety about messing up the handling of this topic. For me however, having both non-communicative parents when I was growing & developing coupled with also being sexual abused by boys who obviously did not have a healthy transition in to adulthood--- this issue is creating a great deal of anxiety for me.

Has anyone else been in my situation. This situation is triggering a lot of feelings and emotions for me. Any suggestions on how to keep my experiences from affecting my relationship with my son?