I believe that you have been trying. I believe you also tried when you were growing up with an alcoholic parent. You cannot blame yourself for their disease or disorders. There are things you did not know and do not know now. You cannot fix your wife, the only thing you can do is to learn how to stop being a codependent and to accept that your wife is not going to provide you with that normal family life you always wanted. She has been telling you she wants out, believe her and let her go. You and your sons deserve to feel safe to be happy.