It all makes sense to me. But what I would strongly encourage you to do is to remind yourself that you're in THIS community now, with us and other members who appear to care about you, and we -- HERE -- don't place members into moderation out of the blue or without talking to them first. You have never been PMed with any behavior that would lead to moderation here.

So when the fear rears its head in the future, maybe tell yourself, kindly, "Willow, you've been here 9 months now, and this has never been an issue. This place isn't like those other places we visited a decade ago. Let's try and stay positive and focused on the present, not the past." IDK if that would help, but I think it's something to perhaps try... take care.