I have stopped it. He came for a visit and I took him to the kitchen and when he sat down, I just said that it would be a hard conversation and then said: "I like you a lot, but the physical side of the relationship is not working out for me". And he said OK, nodded, and I thought that was it. We then talked about unrelated subjects. He taught me how to make tea the Indian way (he had been wanting to do for a long time and I bought the ingredients for it). Then he talked. He said things about being sorry and I said it was not his fault. He said that he would always cherish the time together. He said that he respected and adored me and did not want me to perceive what happened as negating that. I said that I knew very well that he respected and adored me. He talked about the fact that he has known me for that long (it has been over 10 years), that it is magical with me, that it is as magical as it was 10 years ago when he first saw me. Such things. We hugged and stroked each other's hands. It was memorable and meaningful. He wanted a kiss on the lips and I did not so I made a compromise by kissing with my mouth almost closed. He said that it is a huge loss for him, but he wants me to be happy. Told me to call him if I need anything (he would always say that and I very rarely needed anything except for help setting up tech objects such as wi-fi). In the end I told him that it was time for him to go home.

I feel relief and that I did the thing that was right by me. It is obviously sad that he is the way it is, that in addition to his respect and adoration there is no sexual expression that would be welcome by me, but I cannot change him.

He did say that maybe in another time or something like that. I said yes, maybe.

Thank you for helping me with this. In particular, I used the word "physical", not the word "sexual", and did not go into any descriptive detail.

All in all, I feel that I have closed a chapter in my own life.

He did at some point said, under his breath "I don't want to break up".

***

I did see the Mexican guy yesterday and went for a short walk with him. A no go since his English is too limited for me to have a meaningful convo with him. A very nice guy but what can I do? I walked him to his parked car and told me him that I liked him a lot but was in a relationship. It is not true but it was a way to leave him thinking that it was not anything on his side but rather on mine. The funny thing was if it was the first time using the expression "to be in a relationship" when referring to self.