Perhaps you’re simply being abused by your husband, you are very traumatized by the abuse, and you naturally become unraveled. It’s clear to me at this stage that he deliberately withholds from you and hurts you. It’s also clear that you are a victim of abuse in your marriage. You have no real history of emotional dysregulation outside of your marriage. And it all seems to stem from the abuse you are subjected to, having begun after marriage. You’ve taken on feeling partially responsible in your marriage for the dysfunction due to your breakdowns, when really you are being traumatized repeatedly and are simply reacting to the abuse.