Hello everyone,

Brand new to the forum and very excited to be here.

I'm 50 years old and have been married twice. In both cases, I was the codependent in what was more of a power struggle than a marriage. I found myself attracted to very assertive women who were not very emotionally mature, and it was a very emasculating experience in both cases. I liken it two an insect who has been hollowed out by a spider and left a dry, empty husk.

Now, I'm in a very healthy, loving, boundary-ful relationship with the most emotionally intelligent woman I've ever known.

However, I'm plagued by sexual anxiety. Because I was functionally celibate for the duration of my last two marriages, I'm re-entering the sexual arena as a 50-year old man with all the things that come along with that. Yet, I'm not convinced that it's my age that's causing performance issues. I'm wracked with disruptive thoughts that conspire to sabotage me at every turn.

Now for the trite part of my story: I'm a man of modest endowment. Absolutely average in length and slightly below average in girth, according to everything I've read.

My partner has only been with one man in her life -- her ex-husband, who was NOT a man of modest endowment. Since discovering this unfortunate fact, I cannot seem to shake the belief that my partner secretly wishes that she could unbolt his wedding tackle and affix it to my body rather than having to settle for something she doesn't want, simply because every other area of our relationship is utterly perfect.

She has given me NO indication that she feels this way. In fact, she constantly reassures me that the opposite is true, but I cannot, for the life of me, bring myself to accept it as sincere. I recognize that I'm projecting my own preferences on to her. I'm not gay, but like most other straight men who are loath to admit it, I find large penises to be empirically more attractive and have come to believe that given the choice, a woman would prefer a larger than average penis.

I know that this is an unhealthy obsession of mine. I need to know how to love my own body and accept the things that she tells me are true. These disruptive thoughts are creating other issues such as ED and PE and absolutely destroying my libido. We have a very active sex life, but I initiate out of love for her and a desire for physical intimacy -- not because I'm craving sex.

Can anyone relate or advise?

Thank you all for reading.