Victims of abuse can suffer all sorts of mental health problems that arise as a result of the abuse. Victims can also react with "reactive abuse".

I wouldn't blame yourself for your husband's abuse of you or for the dysfunction in your relationship. The fault lies with him - he repeatedly doesn't give you what you ask for and want and pretends he doesn't get it, when he fully understands you and when you've explained it to him 1000 times in multiple languages. He understands you full well, but refuses to give you what you ask for.

It's deliberate neglect on his part. Trust me - it is deliberate and he knows he is hurting you but he doesn't care because he wants to have power over you. And you naturally unravel as a result.

You have described other instances of abuse, such as him not having your back and financial abuse.

People can only leave when they are ready to leave, however long that takes.

It took me two years to leave my abusive husband, really four years because I wanted to leave him within six months after we were married!

But you do come to a point where you have to ask yourself some critical questions:

• Why am I putting up with abuse?
• Why do I keep trying to fix something that cannot be fixed?
• Why do I keep trying to change behaviors in him that clearly are not changing?
• What am I getting out of this relationship that is life enhancing and positive for me?
• How much PROOF do I need that says this relationship is toxic?

A member on here helped me tremendously by telling me something she had heard from an author of a book on abuse - The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

She said to me "let the side of you that wants to save yourself win".

And even though I still carried some doubts within me because he planted those seeds of doubt, I went through with a separation and now a divorce because I decided that I needed to save myself. That I could not put up with it a second longer than I already had. And that I knew life could be so much better than what I was experiencing.

But like I said, you have to come to a point where you 1) cannot tolerate it any further and 2) are ready to end the relationship.

But once you know full well that you are being abused, it is a choice and you have to know that you are choosing to continue to endure it. And that's really, you hurting yourself. It's basically masochistic. You have to decide: I deserve better than this. Even if it means being alone. When you're alone, you're still choosing to not be abused any further.