So I was out walking earlier and had a kind of epiphany I guess you'd call it just drop right out of the sky... it's Friday, and was just about 1pm (what used to be my session time with L) so I was thinking about her and the work we did together as I walked. I started out by thinking about how badly I still feel because of how near the end there, it appeard that I had made her feel taken advantage of (I'll spare y'all the story behind that) and then I was like, maybe I should forgive myself and let it go, it's been over a year now, why am I still feeling bad about this, I'm sure SHE has long forgotten about it. Then I was like, I don't know how, why do I have such a hard time forgiving myself for stuff like this? Which is when the aha hit. This is super embarrassing. But, here it is. I can't forgive myself for doing something that I haven't actually owned doing. If that makes sense. However unintentional it was (and that's where I would always stop, using that as an excuse to not own it) - I still did it - so I need to accept responsibility for how I acted. So with purpose I said it out loud to myself and the universe, that I own that behavior/accept responsibility for it, have definitely learned from it, and I am now choosing to forgive myself for my part in it and move forward. I'm going to see how that sits for a while....