I was recently having an inner conflict going on about my husband and being no contact during the holiday. I was torn between feeling like I should be "nice" because that's what I've always been taught to do, and being cold or full no contact, even if he reaches out to me over Christmas.

So, I called the domestic violence center local to me to speak with an advocate about my conflict. My own advocate is traveling for the next two weeks and is unavailable. I did speak with a female advocate, who validated my need to protect myself, my peace of mind and my mental health. And this is how I feel and this is what I want to do, deep down.

The conflict comes from always having been a nice person, and from feeling guilty as though I SHOULD respond to him IF he reaches out, because he's lost both his parents and I know the holidays are likely particularly rough for him this year.

But protecting my peace of mind comes first and foremost and is the most important thing to me over being "nice".

And this is how and where I need to change myself. I have been too nice at the expense of my mental health. There's probably some codependency in there I think. But no more! I lose a day every time I speak with him and I feel ungrounded, unsettled, anxious and uneasy after every interaction with him. So I must maintain no contact no matter what he says and if he does reach out to wish me a merry Christmas.