That all sounds very similar to my experience. I also have gender identity issues. I've learned to keep my emotions secret for years. I was never allowed to show emotion. I guess I never allowed myself to show emotion out of fear of how I would be perceived by the people causing my suppression. As far as dissociation... I'm not sure exactly what it entails. I don't think I have alters or anything like that. I do know that when I would self-harm and check into the hospital or emergency rooms under a false name, I easily became that person. I often used names of people I grew up with and had a sense of jealousy towards. When I became these people or this person, I allowed myself to accept care and have a sense of emotion.
It's amazing to me that so many things happen at early ages leaving long lasting scars. I'm happy to understand that there is a name for what in dealing with.
Thank you for your response. It's hard finding others that have dealt with this. Right now I'm trying to find a new therapist that has some experience. My current therapist gave me a notice of termination the other day because this is beyond her scope of expertise.