I am so sorry you are in this unhappy, unhappy situation. Sometimes couples therapy is helpful, at least that is what I have been told. Not sure your wife would go for it since she doesn't want to go with you to a therapist. Since I am so bad at relationships, I am totally unqualified to give advice. Do you think it might help to just see a therapist on your own just so that a professional could look at your situation with a new set of eyes? Sorry I do not have any wisdom here. Hopefully others here will see your post and respond to it with something truly proves helpful to you!