It's hard for me to ever feel comfortable here. It's both my experiences and typical anxieties about opening up to other people. My therapist thinks it's a good idea for me to utilize all forms of social support I can get though, so I'm trying to be more open to the idea. Trying to post a little more.


Today is going well. Still snowed in essentially but with heat, food, water, and most importantly, soda haha. I couldn't live without my soda. It's actually quite pretty to see snow untouched. Snowed in with no place to go is the only way to enjoy such conditions.

It sounds like everyone is handling the blizzard relatively well. I'm hoping everyone is safe and warm! We got hit pretty hard, yesterday I was so tempted to go outside because it was -6 degrees F, but a wind chill of -30 degrees F! I decided I probably didn't need to know how cold that felt. haha

I was recently denied for disability, and I will appeal once I receive my letter explaining why. It's not a death sentence and as someone mentioned earlier, it's common to be denied the first time. I really do think they do that to deter people from applying and limiting who gets it by expecting people to give up along the way. I am not happy about continuing to wait, but this one should be quicker, and I have better access to information this time around.

I'm going to run out of medicine before I can see my doctor. I really kinda screwed myself over with that one. I'm trying my best but it make be 2-3 weeks before I can see someone. Maybe my doctor will emergency prescribe my meds (probably minus adderall) without a visit just so i dont have to go without so long. I'm hoping for the best on that one. I have to say I feel so exhausted and tired of dealing with people, and problems. and things. I just want to go to bed and forget the world a lot. I guess the winter makes me a bit depressed in general. I don't think I'm at an all time low, but this is definitely not the best place to be. Especially since I did myself no favors by causing more problems by avoiding them.

I don't have much more to add other than social interaction is very hard for me and I tend to shy away from people due to very bad experiences. I internalize a lot of it to being flaws that make me unloveable, unhelpable, unbecoming, inflexible and hell to be around. There may be ounces of truth, but my therapist says if I'm gonna give credit into some of the bad, I have to give credit to some of the good -- in this case, the fact that maybe it's not all me or all in my head. So, here's to playing devil's advocate with myself. I am sensitive to the way people decide to approach me or a situation, I'm cognizant of that, I hope others who interact with me can understand that too.

I've done something I'd rather keep private, but want to share it because it's a Christmas miracle I'd even give it a chance considering my pattern of thought on the subjects. I just want to go into a new year with the past being the past, and trying to create a brighter future.