I guess it's best to just jump in then. Not sure how to put these confessions, but here we go. I'm going to start with the topic of sex. I almost never talk about it with anyone, including my wife, which I find sad.

Truth is, I think about sex quite a bit. I want to be a sex positive person but that is sadly not reflected in my sex life.

I regularly (and secretly, obviously) watch porn. Sometimes I enjoy it but just as often I use it as an anti-depressant, which leaves me feeling filthy. I've tried to stop many times but I've given up on that until I can honestly say that my life is fine as is.

Although I don't act on my feelings, I often feel sexually attracted to women other than my wife and I sometimes feel regret about not having met more women and jealous of those have lived that life. I would like to try an adventorous lifestyle with my wife, such as swinging, but I'm nowhere near able to do that emotionally.

During sex I often worry about being a poor lover. I usually have to banish insecurity about my size, stamina, and general attractiveness. I also worry about being percieved a selfish and sex fixated creep, so I hide much of my interest and passion. I know that this makes my wife feel less desired but I just can't help it.

This was alot more than I had intended, much more than I've admitted to anyone in real life. Once I started it felt easier to just keep going than picking up the courage again and again later on. To be honest, I feel relieved of having covered alot of the things that I'm ashamed of with regards to sex. I'm sure, however, that my heart will be racing when I log in next time and that I will by then regret every word for a few moments.