I've been sick for the past few days, almost no energy. I thought it might be withdrawals. It was very severe. I now think it was a tummy bug too (Papa bear has it now) I was in bed, with too much time to think. I tried to direct my thoughts to rainbows and teddy bears (I didn't have much success) I took seroquel for a couple of nights (no rash, so that is something ) I now have a refill for the benzos :-)

Does anyone else here feel as if they have low self esteem, and that part of that is being hated without cause? It gets so bad sometimes that it can tip me into an episode. So many people have loved to judge me, from being ''very passive'' and ''too needy'' (so therefore, apparently, ''people'' would be ''angry'' with me, according to one Expert) to being ''passive aggressive'' - to being an Attacking a hole. SURELY I can't be all those ugly things?

Others are allowed to gently and assertively assert their needs (or what the ''right'' thing to do is) but not fuzzy bear.

Also fuzzy bear is never allowed to make mistakes. And never never to change her mind or get angry.

Some of these judgmental A holes have been doctors. :-(

Maybe I come across as all those ''negative;'' different things in different moods states. Ugh.

Why do so many people love to judge? I genuinely do not get it.

Why do they enjoy trying to make others feel bad, to ''ruin'' their day?

Am I the only person here who has repeatedly experienced this?

Am I the ''terrible'' person the parental units repeatedly screamed at me that I was?

Oh yes, I was also told I am ''constantly'' looking for reassurance. Well... anyone who had been judged repeatedly by abusers since birth might sometimes need some sort of ''reassurance'' I would think. And I didn't think it was a crime, last time I checked

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells everywhere. I hate it. I once sent a (long term) friend (who had told me I was her ''best friend'' ) a message saying I was glad I didn't have to walk on eggshells with her. Her reply? She said how ''triggering'' I am. So yeah.. it makes me wonder

All the horrible people.. where do they all come from.

I appreciate you guys here who do not judge (not for stupid reasons anyway)