L, I hope you had a lovely Christmas. I didn't email you today, despite wanting to. I've been sad all afternoon and just getting sadder as the sun has gone down. I am missing you (ahem pardon me 'the you that I thought I knew'), missing my family back home... seeing my friends facebook posts today with everyone together unwrapping gifts and sharing a big meal together makes my heart ache with longing. Thankfully this really only happens to this extent at Christmastime so I can be grateful for that. And that we had a zoom call earlier with all of us on there, including my brother so that was good. I'm grateful as well that I got to talk to my son today. Gotta up the gratitude it's the only way to get myself out of this.

Damn it, I hate it that the missing you has come back today!!!!!!!! I wish like the dickens that there was some antidote for this ********. "It's a relationship" you said. Well what the **** am I supposed to do with that when I feel like this?!?!?! I need to get over this already. ****.