Update, Merry Christmas, , we'll it was a day of ups and downs. My kids had an awesome Christmas and that makes me happy. My wife not being affectionate brought me down. Tonight I asked if we could have some alone time and she said we need to talk first so I said let's talk then, so long story short, she has been out of romantic love for me for a long time as I suspected and she does not feel thst is ever coming back. I told her I still want her and don't want things to end but it sounds like this is the eventuality we need to discuss. We came to an arrangement where we will get divorced, and keep things as is in our house. Still living and Co parenting we just will no longer be married. We feel this is the right arrangement to keep the kids in the house, her in the house, avoiding a messy divorce and just continue to support one another as parents and Freinds. She said she was fine with me dating but just to keep lines of communication open and as things progress she can eventually move out etc.
As much as I want her as my wife there is no point to save a sinking ship and we have respect for each other so I think this is the best course. She seemed relieved when I suggested it and I did let her know counseling for both of us is good. I am going to have ups and downs as I'm grieving for my wife I'm losing but that I hope at the end of this we can be the best of Friends and that I will always have a part of me that loves her because she is the mother of my kids. I gave her a hug and it felt Good to discuss it.
I need to move on and be happy and want things a wife should provide that she is not able to do. It still is tough and I wish I could of gone through this when she came to her conclusion years ago but she didn't allow me to know. I hope if the fear she had of me being crazy angry and having a messy divorce were addressed that maybe we can move forward in our lives and both can be happy. She said there is nobody else she is not having attachments to anyone and it might be medical or something but I also said if we do this and somehow we end up finding the love again then we can continue just not married.
It's a very strange arrangement, but we've been together for 14 years. We will talk more but an uncontested divorce is fairly easy with a 6 month wait period incase we change our minds.
I think knowing this now I can come to terms with she is not coming back in the way I need and I can move on but still be awesome parents to our children and Co parent. If I come to a point I want to be with someone and it's serious we can talk about other arrangemebts but I think this is the more gentle outcome for us.
She still loves my family and I hers. We are going to be a part of each other's lives anyways so we will hopefully work it out. But for now we keep the status quo except I can freely date and look after my own needs in the future but I think I need a little self work before I can become a good person for another partner. Plus the arrangement is not traditional so I don't expect a new romantic interest would be keen with me living with my ex but those are the challenges going forward and explaining to our families.