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TishaBuv
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TishaBuv It’s mostly them, and somewhat me.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,103 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
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Default Dec 27, 2022 at 08:34 AM
 
HH, I like what you said about how it doesn’t matter why, or whether or not he is doing it intentionally. I think this is what keeps hanging me up, because he is so reasonable, kind, etc in other ways. He is the most covert abuser there ever was. If he was doing it maliciously, intentionally, then he is the best actor the world has ever known. And he’s not a good actor. He literally has stage fright! I sound like I am paranoid even accusing him…

The bottom line is yes, he is baiting me. I am conditioned to take the bait, though. I was raised by a parent who did it. I have fallen into it with him every time. Therein lies the approach avoidance repetition compulsion dance of cluster b relationships. I see it. I get it. I must stop dancing.

I’m doing a lot better now with not engaging and seeking individuation. I’m looking at it as an addiction, even attending CoDA meetings. I’m looking forward to finally getting to meet with my new therapist. I hope it’s a better experience this time. I am even traumatized from the therapist experience of the past.

*but my mother is overt and he is unbelievably covert

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Dec 27, 2022 at 08:51 AM.. Reason: Add more
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