Thank you nammu I am unsure if I will ever know for sure, but I think you're right that if I ever had it I definitely worked hard to overcome it, or at least the really troublesome symptoms of it, I did do a lot of work over the years in therapy and on my own just to not act on impulses, and stuff like that, not act on every emotion. Nothing specific oriented towards BPD because I was never diagnosed with it that I know of, but I guess I either grew out of it if I ever did have it or all the work I did with therapy, CBT etc has really paid off. I did work really hard to reign in my reckless behavior. I haven't done any of that stuff in 10 years and have stayed out of the hospital since 2017. So I guess that's a good sign.

I am just starting to work on dealing with past trauma though these past two weeks, I guess that is why it's bringing up negative emotions inside. But I'm still not acting on any impulses or doing anything reckless.