What you said is true except, “ he can turn the niceness and his cruelty on and off”. It’s not nice/cruel. That is overt, which I have experienced but not with him. With him it’s “forgetting, not communicating, not understanding” instead of cruel being the trigger for abuse.
No, he does not have any communication disorder in any other area outside this with me.
He will apologize, but not on his own recognition of his wrong doing. Only after I get upset, much after. First he baits me into the meltdown by discussion that is circular, turns it around on me, invalidates me.
But I like to just give him the benefit of the doubt and tell myself he’s a good guy who is just really, really, really, really dense lol. There is so much good with him for me. If I can control my emotions I will be best off.