Dear T,
I'm so incredibly sad right now. H's mom watched D all day and had a rough time and now is pulling out of the New Year's Eve arrangement. I just wanted to go out for New Year's Eve for the first time in 3 years, to feel normal for a little bit.

I'm hoping maybe she'd be willing to watch her for a few hours rather than overnight, so we can at least go to dinner. I don't know why this is crushing me so much. I just keep thinking if she was NT, this wouldn't have happened... I just want a normal celebratory night out with my H. I understand where maybe she wouldn't want to deal with her, but we do that all the time.

I feel so selfish right now. I probably sound horrible. But I just want a little time.... There have been so many rough years--I know it's only been a few, but it feels like it's been so long..., I just want to have the hope that maybe 2023 will be sort of OK? Maybe that's what this is partly about... I mean, going out to dinner is so minor in the grand scheme of things, but I think it's the symbolism. For H and I to just spend the night together, ourselves.

Maybe she'll come around and be able to watch her for a couple hours at least. I wish she hadn't watched her today and could have just done NYE, but she offered today, so we took it. Maybe that was a mistake. Just struggling...

Love,
LT