There is so much good with him for you? In all the time I've known you, you've never spoken of anything that is good between you. Only the toxicity of it all and how it impacts you. I think honestly that you are hugely in denial of the abuse. And that you are now backtracking saying he's great. That has not been the case for many years, and I've known you for many years now. You don't want to face the truth and you must or will be forced to face it another day. It's inevitable that you realize it's abuse at some point or another and maybe even after 50 years of going around the same ole block with him ad nauseam. Forgetting, not communicating and not understanding are all what HE says, and you believe him at his word. It's not forgetting, it's not miscommunication and it's not misunderstanding. He knows full well what you want and need and still, he refuses to give you what you need and ask for. That IS cruelty. Healthy love involves giving each other what they need and ask for in order to be happy in the relationship. Your relationship does not have this. And emotional neglect iS abuse. So is invalidating you and turning things around on you. That's abuse as well. If you cannot absorb this fact now, perhaps another day or year or decade.