I was able to talk to the co-worker and owned up to finding the video. He was very kind and supportive. I have been watching the video regularly to keep me afloat. Still just trying not to latch onto the co-worker too hard right now an destroy any chance at a friendship before we even get started. He also gave me lots of much needed in person hugs.
I am seeing that it is so hard for those of us that grew up in toxic environments to find and navigate normal ones. The rules that kept us alive and connected all our lives are now labeled dysfunctional or unhealthy... and the things the "normal" people do scare us because they are so strange and unpredictable.
Then T's tell us to go out and socialize as if it is just going to click and we will get it???