Oh Beth, I've been feeling really crappy and 'acting' throughout the holidays as though I'm happy as I don't want to be a Debbie-downer... but the reality is is that I've 'done' the holidays for others and didn't put on my own proverbial 'oxygen mask' on first. I didn't do what I wanted and I feel so far away from myself.

In fact, I've really been on the edge, if you know what i mean; but, I've been hiding it. even on here, I've hidden it. Everyone wants to be happy and I really don't want to bring them down... but, I am very low.

so low...