Hi folks.

I guess I set up an account on here ten or so years ago but am now marginally older and wiser. Wasn't sure if this belonged in the bipolar subforum or this one, so mods please feel free to move.

I'll try - try - to keep this short, as the full story with all its twists and turns takes approximately 45 minutes to say out loud.

I'm kind of at the end of my rope. The only experience I have with bipolar disorder is that my best friend has bipolar II that is well-managed with therapy and medication. This, however, is all completely uncharted territory for me.

In May, I started a relationship with an absolutely wonderful, amazing, beautiful person who I will refer to as Jordan. Jordan has cPTSD and Bipolar 1 with Psychosis, which I did not know at the time.

There were a few hiccups - Jordan is polyamorous (more on this later), I am not, but after a decade-plus of serial monogamy I was open to trying an open relationship. The hiccups we had were all due to a lack of disclosure on Jordan's end - whenever they said, "hey, I'm going on a date with such and such person, is that okay with you?" it was completely fine. Whenever they said "hey, I'm going to get lunch with this woman I am friends with" and I found out through the grapevine that they'd been on a date with a man, I would be upset, because they had no reason to lie about this to me. Stuff like this happened a few times, culminating in me finding out that shortly after we got together they had tried to make it work with their abusive ex and that they were together for the first two months of our relationship, and that their final breakup was in fact what triggered the episode that had me driving Jordan to the psychiatric ICU at 9:30 on a Thursday evening.

Again, I knew they were together when we started dating, the issue was that I was told they had broken up, but not that they got back together a week later. This - the lying to me because they think I will be jealous, and then not understanding that the lying is the problem - is a recurring theme.

I would also like to note that despite Jordan's troubled relationship with the truth, I sincerely do believe that they were very badly abused by this man - they are a bad liar and their story has never wavered, even once, about his behavior.

I'll also note that we only had two such arguments in a five month relationship, and every other day was really wonderful. I accepted those transgressions as growing pains in the relationship, but I did make note of them happening in case they were part of a pattern.

Oh dear, this isn't very brief at all.

Anyway, on Halloween, Jordan's mental health took a nose dive and they abruptly broke up with me as a result. They basically said they were not in a place to be in any sort of a relationship right now due to their mental health and needed to prioritize getting better. Although I disagreed with the methods, I agreed with the reasoning. About six weeks later, I became aware of a death in the family and reached out to offer condolences.

Okay, here's the mostly-chronological speed-run of everything that's happened in the three weeks since - Jordan has expressed interest in us getting back together in the future, but has to prioritize their recovery but can't be dating right now, and I have agreed, they should be prioritizing their mental health and recovery and I am happy to help them on that journey how I can. Jordan has entered into two tumultuous relationships with other mentally ill people. They have continued to casually date and engaged in risky casual sex with strangers. When I confronted them about "hey, you are absolutely NOT prioritizing your recovery and are very much dating people, why did you tell me you were doing something else" they screamed at me about how I don't respect them as a polyamorous person and then a few hours later about how I am a dark wizard who has cursed them with misfortune and bad luck. Less than twelve hours an apology for their behavior, they went out on another date with a random stranger who assaulted them. They have fabricated a story about a suicide attempt that no human being could have survived. They have begun heavily self-medicating with marijuana and alcohol in addition to their medications, which they went off for three of the six weeks were broken up for. Their family has stopped speaking to them due to their erratic behavior. They have started and been fired from a new job after calling out three times in their first week for mental health reasons. They are facing eviction and it appears that nobody is offering them shelter, not any of their "friends" they are dating, nobody they are in a relationship with, and of course not their alienated family. They are devoting most of their time to seeking out new intimate relationships and wallowing in self-pity on social media.

Here's the thing.

I know this can't be my problem. I know I am not responsible for this person. I know that they are spiraling and that they are self-sabotaging and that this is an episode. I know that I have to put my own mental health first. I know that the fact that I still have romantic feelings for them is making this much harder than it needs to be. I know you can't help people who won't help themselves, and they are going to therapy, taking their meds, and trying to do the little things, but I know that that's a bandaid on many larger problems and it's probably a defense mechanism so they can say, "see, I am doing the work." I know all of this. I really do.

But they have completely destroyed their own life to the point of imminent homelessness/death, I appear to be quite literally all they have left, and I don't know how to carry that burden without making my own mental health worse, and I need help. It would destroy me if anything happened to them. I just don't know how to walk this tightrope.

Thanks for reading.

EDIT: lol at my signature. I really haven't been on here for a while.