jinnyann...I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. It sounds like you are in such a difficult spot. Losing people we love hurts--there is no way around it. Maybe it is not a bad thing for you to cry with your friend--share your feelings with her. You don't have to be the "rock." Although I do understand the desire to be there for your friend. Just do your best--that is all that can be expected of you. hang in there...hang in there.