Yeah, the more I sort of turn this stuff over in my head the more I realize you are all correct.

I’m a firm believer in letting people make their own mistakes, but in this case I was concerned that those mistakes would have devastating consequences that I want to avoid. I still want them avoided! I don’t want anything bad to happen to this person! But I’m enabling them right now and that’s not fair to either of us, and unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a way to help ensure a soft landing from this most recent crisis in a way that does not also enable bad behavior.

I think for me it’s just been coming to terms with the idea that “I will support you” means “YOU are going to be doing the work, I will be present while you are doing it.” It’s an agreement and both people have to fulfill their ends of it. It doesn’t mean “I will do the work for you AND excuse all of your behavior.” I am aware of how unfair their treatment of me has been and whether it’s been intentional, conscious manipulation or not only changes whether or not I take it personally - it’s still hurtful, it’s still wrong, it’s still unfair, and it’s still going to continue until I set an even stronger boundary around it.

Thanks for the tough love, everyone.