Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen
I am so very, very sorry you are in this situation. It must be incredibly stressful, distressing and heartbreaking.
Couples therapy could be very helpful if your wife consented to attend with you.
Although I am not in your shoes and wouldn't want to trespass on the uniqueness of your experience, I lost the love of my life after thirteen year of living together. It was her choice not mine.
Huge changes like that take time to adjust too. But I was able to get past the misery. I eventually got used to my new life and was able to re-experience peace of mind and joy of living. To be honest, it was no easy thing and I initially fell into a terrible depression for which I was hospitalized and given antidepressant medications. These did not change my external circumstances {I am still alone} But they helped me bounce back from what I thought was a hopeless situation and living hell.
Therapy helped me too although I benefitted more from reading books by famous psychotherapists than by face to face therapy.
There were no personal computers when all this happened so I had nowhere to go to communicate with others going through the same misery as I was going through. Luckily there are online Forums today, like this one. I would have benefited from this Forum in those days but I was left alone with my misery.
I hope you will feel free to lean on us for moral support whatever happens in your life. No one should be all alone with misery like you are going through.
Please forgive me if my words are not helpful to you. It is so hard to know what to say when a person is going through so much. Hopefully others here will have better and more helpful words for you than my poor and empty words.
My heart goes out to you and I hope things work out. I think your distress over all this is perfectly understandable.
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Thank you very much for responding to me, sharing some of your experience and your words of encouragement. It's been tough just being in my head the last 24 hours. I felt completely drained and defeated as well as feeling like a complete failure that this is happening to me.
I'm going to vent some, forgive my long winded post..
I have suggested that we cold look into couples therapy but she does not seem to have any interest in that , perhaps if I give her enough space she may wish to . I cant plan on that though.
I reached out to an old friend today whom I haven't talked to in years who fortunately had a few hours to listen to me wail try to help ground me . He has been though his own Divorce years ago and it was nice to be able to talk to him and hear that I can survive this. He suggested I try to focus on me and doing things on my own for me and perhaps start working out again. That's my plan , hopefully I can motivate myself to do it.
We are living together still as we only have the one property in a rural area so one of us will be moving to the guest room as we have both agreed to be amicable to each other thru this . Well other then the unamicable choice she made when she decided to throw away over 28 years over issues that could have been worked out IMO .
I can not change her decision so now i must work on accepting what I can not change (her choice) and work on changing the things I can (Me) . The words are easy for me to say but It's all I can do not to break down as I'm typing this .
I had 1 real bad Grieving burst today that lasted almost half an hour. It hit me so hard I was struggling to cope and I am sure there are many more to come as I am definitely still in shock and it probably has not fully registered yet and I'm hoping I can still wake up from this nightmare .
I have no intentions of leaving the house even if she ends up staying instead of me until we are finalized and will treat her with respect as she is the mother of our only child and despite her choice to end this lifetime we had together , I still Love her.
I am saddened that her issues and our lack of communication about them as well as my lack of ability to deal with them ( I tried for years ) in the way she needed brought us to this place . I truly wish we could have tried couples therapy if for no other reason then to see if 28 years of life can be saved instead of just throwing it away.
The current plan is to in the spring to have me buy her out or her buy me out or sell the house. The house is close to my work and she works remotely and can work anywhere so initially it seems to make more sense for me to stay but If I let her buy me out. I will need to crunch the numbers and see what works for me.
Part of me loves this property and wants to keep it as it is an amazing piece of land with acreage .
However part of me also thinks this is a great time to downsize if possible and make my life easier financially.
That's all I have for now, thank you again for replying and I'm sorry for rambling on but it feels good to be heard.