Yeah, I alluded to this in the original post but my best friend also has bipolar and the way she describes her episodes, which has been immensely helpful to me, is that she is "not in the driver's seat."

But, as she has said about this situation, at some point you have to stop letting someone else drive. You have to grab the wheel again. Letting yourself constantly be the passenger isn't any better.

So, yeah, I think the way to set boundaries around this is to slowly disengage. Not a hard break, like I think that contacting Jordan to be like "hey, I have never been anything but kind and supportive towards you and you've taken advantage of that and responded by behaving in a cruel and erratic fashion" is going to make it worse no matter how diplomatically I approach it. But arm's length seems to be the minimum distance I can hold them at right now. If - and god, this is a huge if - they get serious about their recovery I can re-evaluate at that time, but I don't expect this to be in the near future. If they text me to say hi, I'll say hi, whatever. If we see each other out, hey, how you been, good, cool, gotta go. If they call me because they have another crisis they need their hand held for, well, gosh, you know, I'm pretty busy right now, sorry. Can you call any of your other boyfriends?

I did a few things behind the scenes today to prepare. As I may have noted, they're facing eviction and this has made them spiral worse, as one would expect. So, I emailed them links to some local tenant advocacy groups who may be able to help them keep their home. Then, I called their psychiatrist, who knows me since I'd been to a few appointments when we were together, and told them what's been going on as I am sure Jordan has not been forthcoming with them. I consider this a compromise with the part of myself that wants to remain more actively involved.

And now, I wash my hands of this. May I never have to update this thread again. Unless it's in like, a year and it's to say "hey, Jordan is doing really well, I just saw them for the first time a few days ago, turns out you guys were right, thanks."