Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
Well, I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I got on the site because I thought I would explore and just see what's out there. And, perhaps meet someone for casual romance or friendship. But so far, it's been a negative experience. Maybe it's a sign for me to not date at all, even just casually.
Also, I feel I am well healed at this stage. Yes, there's still a tiny bit of grief, but I've been grieving for 3 months already and I feel I am basically done.
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Honestly, from reading your posts, you are not at all through the grieving process. You are still pissed as heck (which is one of those grieving stages btw). Yes, you are over "him," but you are not over what this major change in your life has done to your life.
I noticed as I was reading through your last few posts that you plan to get off of the dating websites -- probably a good plan for a while, and that you are going to work on just developing friendships and doing some other outdoor activities. Also good plans.
One of the main points made over and over again in the grief community is "Do NOT go into a new relationship for quite some time" and they mean at least a year or more. Yes, we are talking about actual deaths, but it seems like that advice holds well for divorce.
Take the time to find yourself WITHOUT a man. Another man isn't going to help you figure out YOU. It will be like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound -- that wound needs more than a bandaid, and a bandaid on a bad wound will not heal the problem, could cause you to neglect the wound, may be absolutely the wrong "fix" for the wound, and will inevitably fall off. If the wound underneath isn't truly healed, you kind of have to start all over again.
Take the time to figure out YOU. I was married to my husband almost 35 years. It wasn't a perfect marriage, but it was a good one. But I went from college to marriage pretty quickly, and since his death -- coming on two years ago -- this has been a process of figuring out who I am without that constant companion. Yes, it's a very "alone" place to be, but sitting with that, sitting with myself, has been so important to healing. I'm pretty comfortable now with being independent, individual, unattached me. That doesn't mean I don't miss my husband -- that pain will always be there -- but I am content to be with ME. That has taken time and the process is ongoing -- almost two years later.
Slow down. Figure out YOU . . . independent, unattached you. Your grieving process from divorce is going to go on for awhile. That's pretty normal and completely expected.