I definitely like the option of out-of-session contact. My T allows emails that he generally responds to in the mornings (so if I sent one right after session, he'd reply the next morning, usually between 7 and 9 am). If it takes him more than 15 minutes to read and respond, or if I send him a fair number in a short period of time (even if very brief), he technically charges me for them in 15-minute increments. Though usually the ones he charges for are very long responses, like 5 paragraphs of a decent length. He says he does this to avoid possible resentment, as he's getting reimbursed for his time.

The reason I say "technically charges" is that he's rather inconsistent in how he does that. He might say, "This did take me more than 15 minutes, but I won't charge you." He also suspended all email charges during the first 2 years or so of the pandemic. And now he's back to potentially charging, which is very difficult for me, after going so long with not having to think about that (I didn't overdo it during that time though).

I've also come to realize that the majority of those he's charged for (maybe 10-12 over 5 years) have led to or intensified some already-existing conflict between us. So I said recently that it's probably better if he just sends something fairly brief, then says we can discuss more in session. Or if I'm really upset about something, I'll ask for an extra or earlier session if he has one available (he often does) because it's generally better to talk through things.

I do really appreciate the option of email though. Sometimes, like mentioned, it's due to a conflict between us. Sometimes, it's me just making sure he's OK with something difficult we talked about or to check on whether he still exists, like if he's out of town (he allows them then, too). Those tend to be very brief, like, "Just making sure you're OK with what we discussed," and he would say something like, "All is well on my end." Or I might say, "Just confirming you still exist," and he'll say that he does.


Then there are those about an outside stressor going on in my life, seeking support and or suggestions on how to handle it (he doesn't seem to mind those at all and has never charged me for one of those, now that I think about it--only ones involving some sort of therapeutic conflict).

I have gotten better with email for the most part. Just recently, I had typed up an email to him on something that had happened, looking for guidance. Then I was like, "I don't need to send this, I can manage it on my own." So I just saved it as a draft. I've been doing that more. It helps to know the option is there though.

And this past Friday, we discussed some therapeutic relationship stuff. With it being a holiday weekend (and his being off Monday), I asked if it's still OK to email. He said he's treating it like any other weekend, when email is allowed. I haven't emailed him so far and don't really expect to (trying to trust in his saying at the end of session that he was fine with all we'd discussed), but it helps me knowing the option is there.

He doesn't allow unscheduled phone calls, and texts are just supposed to be for scheduling (though he was a bit more lenient with those last year), so it's just emails. But I'm OK with that. I may share the conflict they caused with ex-T in another post.

Sorry for the novel there!