The past few weeks have definitely given me new insight on where I am at with my trauma! It is weird to look around and be SO much healthier AND painfully aware on a completely new level how much work still needs to be done......

Wow... I totally relate to this Omers, and to something else you mentioned. Let me see if I can phrase this right.... I don't expect that my trauma comes close to yours, but our human responses to trauma can be so wildly different, that even though what we experienced may have been different, our responses could have been similar. And your total shutdown, total freezing and complete lack of feeling safe which you mentioned in another post also rang so true for me. Because of how far you came with Awesome T, getting someone to see where you started can be insanely difficult. I got lucky and found a T who constantly (maybe too often) both sees my daily struggle to feel safe in therapy AND how far I have come. Like you, I had an Awesome T of my own, and many may have seen her as an enabler. Only you know the truth though. Only you know the progress that you have made because of that relationship. Because of that work. If your New T can't see that, then I think that would upset the work that you two could do going forwards. I wonder if there is any more you could do to try and help him undererstand? Especially as a relatively new T he may not have any experience of clients who are so 'lost' to themselves and the world around them.

And as for your H being off limits? Yep, mine was too, for the first couple of years. Any T should totally accept this... It is your therapy and only you get to decide what to talk about. And you are right when you say that working on general healing can lead to changes in a situation that is off limits. It did for me, and I found a way to escape the relationship in the end. It's your path, and your journey.

I also totally get your struggle to find someone to work with. I was in the same boat both times I have looked for someone, it's just so damn difficult and I wish I could do more than empathise with you.

I am so sorry you are in such a bind...