Hugs, Kit. I completely understand the fear of conflict, as I've struggled with that as well. It was put in my head during childhood that if expressed anger (or other negative emotions) to someone, then they'd abandon me.

I feel that one of my biggest gains with Dr. T is becoming better able to tolerate it, to the point that I will tell him when I'm upset/angry with him or feel hurt as a result of something he said or did. It's still scary, but it's also freeing to be able to get some stuff out. The session last month where I raised my voice to him (and shared other thoughts much more calmly during session), I had this sense of empowerment after that. (I did apologize later, and he accepted it.) I was worried about the relationship, yes, but I also felt good for having spoken my mind to him instead of just turning it back on myself.

It's helped me some in outside life, too, becoming a bit more assertive. But I feel like therapy should be a safe space where you can express those things. I'm not saying you should yell at your T, of course. But expressing how some of her flakiness affects you could be a positive thing for you. Even something like, "I'm never really sure if a session is going to happen until you're there on my screen." Which is more expressing your inability to feel secure rather than coming out and saying, for example, "You're so unreliable!" Or to let her know how you've had to pay more for sessions due to her not filing with your insurance (she probably doesn't know that).

Just something to think about. Especially as it's negatively affecting you. I agree that you deserve a T you can rely on.