Dear T,

Well, wow, I wonder if you felt about today's session what I felt. Like how on earth did we do that!?!? How on earth did I do that. Seriously, that is testament to the work that I did with K that I could sit there in front of you and say that I wished I had felt loved. That I wished that something or someone could have made the pain go away. I have unearthed, sorted through, worked over, felt and processed so much from that time in my life, but we never ever got to the root cause of it all. We didn't go deep enough.

I felt more connected to you today than I have felt in a whole year of working, and I wonder if you felt that too. As soon as I sat down I realised that I was looking right ahead, (for anyone reading we sit side by side so I can pretend she can't see me!) and I could even see your leg. And it felt ok. It felt good, though saying that feels wrong, so I imagine there is still some work to do there, for me.

And to openly talk about that teenage period of my life, I shocked myself. Truly.

I am so grateful that you managed to get the second sessions sorted - it really does make a massive difference as I don't feel like I have to start from scratch with the safety thing every single time. It feels like I can just come in, sit down, and get to work. And work it honestly is. It's tough, but it really feels like we are starting to make some serious progress here. I wonder if you can see that too. I wonder if, deep down, you ever thought we would get there. I know you would tell me you did, even if you didn't, because you have to give me hope, but I wonder if you actually truly believed it.

I didn't.

I would say I still don't, but the evidence outweighs my internal beliefs, and who can argue with that, right?

Thank you, sincerely. I really appreciate everything that you have done, and continue to do, to help me uncover and integrate these buried parts.