What an extraordinary day. Yesterday I was suppose to see this new psychiatrist, but due to very bad weather I cancelled. And went today instead. It really was the best visit I had for years. Years! The psychiatrist was although expensive - but he knew exactly what to pinpoint and what guidance to give.

He understood fully through what hell I went last year. And he was upset over those morons in hospital, how they treated me and so on. So now I will be seeing him.

I don’t know yet what this will lead to. But so far I can see two things: one - I’m definitely not alone in this that hospitals are careless jerks, and two - my diagnosis will be yet again proven. But this time from professional doctors - not EU-doctors or any other that is not doing their job. So I will be involved in a investigation so they will investigate what kind of disorder do I have: bipolar type 1, bipolar unspecified (my current status) or PTSD with depression.

For the first time in my live, folks, I feel as I’m more alive than ever. That I finally understand myself and understand how I can prevent upcoming events from even start happening. This two hour talk today made me almost as complete a new man. Just from talk. Can you freakin’ believe it? It helped me more than those drugs! Same drugs that will now be investigated too since I might be overdosing them (I should’ve get much lower dose right after I was discharged from the hospital).

But there is hope people. And with hope comes faith. I told him how I struggle with my sleep every now and then. How - when I shut my eyes and trying to sleep - all this hell I was going through comes and hits me, and haunts me. That I last night used for the first time zopiclone. Now I feel totally different after todays meeting. Before I could invest money in my car and other crap, but never in myself. Now, that I don’t have any car at all, I will invest money completely in myself. And by investing - that means going to private psychiatry. Something I should’ve done long time ago.

Have a great day or good night, dear reader. And take care!

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