when you think things are beginning to come together, moods stabilizing, tears less frequent, life just might be liveable after all, then. . . .

some stupid little nothing of an incident happens and you are on the express elevator headed straight for the basement.

pain and sorrow are ready and waiting at the bottom. the feelings of defeat and worthlessness are right there behind them.

it is all there waiting for my return. all the unbearable sadness. the emptiness, the desperation, the nothingness. Each time is deeper, darker and longer.

I don't know that I can survive another trip to the bottom.