And, to the OP, @Burnthehero, my sincerest wishes go to you for your healing. Whatever form that may take, the future will tell. I often don't know what to say to people who have gone through similar stuff as I have, but honestly, I have gone through similar stuff, didn't know how I was going to get out of it, and certain things help, and certain things don't help. But you will find your way, I am confident in you. Just the fact that you reached out on a site like this shows your commitment. Seriously. I didn't think anything of it when I reached out on a site like this back in 2014 (I was younger back then), and then I returned to this site later and I realized that it had made a profound impact on my life just to have reached out. I didn't even read people's posts at first, but even one little nugget of wisdom could help. Anyway, those are my thoughts.