As you all know my mother has had a chronic lung disease for sometime now. She isn't getting any better and she uses Oxygen
all the time now.

I try to give her as much as I can give either by visiting with
her in the same room, making her a nice meal, or just remenicesing.

Being all alone here by myself is such a challenge! Many times I
have to retire to the sitting room or my bedroom mainly because
sometimes it looks as if she's on her last breath. Its very scary
and I have to discuss it with my T every week.

Her appetite is starting to fail too. Alot of the foods she used
to love just doesn't interest her anymore. Her Memory has really gone down hill to. Just tonight she took 2 tylenol at 9pm and went to take another 2 15 minutes later...I was like wow! (to my-
self).

I know there will be a time when I won't be able to care for her
anymore and she will either go back to the hospital or a nursing
home. The best thing is that I was able to make peace with her, and forgive her for the things that happened in the past while I
was growing up.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty because I try to get out of the house as much as possible now. Watching her at night on the sofa
slumped over barely breathing on 3 liters of oxygen is just making me so depressed. So now I'm doing some volunteer work at an animal shelter and attending church 3 times a week.

She is welcome to come and worship with me but even that doesn't
interest her anymore. She tells me that no one wants an old lady
around like her. Sometimes I just don't know what to say accept for that everyone cares and asks about her regularly. It seems like she is lacking alot of confidence or just don't feel comfortable around others anymore.

Its funny though because there are 2 other ladies with similar problems and they are so full of life..! They are always in church no matter what. I guess different people re-act to sicknesses in different ways, some living life to the fullest right up to the very end.

I just needed to vent and explain a little about what has been going on here at home. I hope I haven't triggered anyone..?

I can say that this whole situation has made me so much stronger
even if it doesn't seem like it at times.