Well we had our session after 16 days... I was glad that I didn't go off on him about the way my session was canceled. I very calmly went through my feelings about how I wasn't prepared for a long break and the way my last session was canceled.

Here is how it went. Apparently, T has no control over his schedule because he knew about this vacation three months ago but still scheduled my May appointments.

As he usually does, he blamed his assistant for not blocking out the vacation time so he couldn't book me. I said so you didn't know when your vacation was when you booked my May appointments?

Apparently not...he was very apologetic and said how much he likes me and wouldn't hurt me on purpose. he said he would write a letter for me to only open in the event that something like this happens again so I'll remember that he isn't leaving me or trying to get rid of me.

I liked that part so we'll see if I get the letter. Then we talked about weekly appointments and he said I could talk to his assistant about standing appointments...I said I'm talking to you he is not my therapist He just said well he does the schedule and he usually isn't aware of cancellations and such but tries to make sure it doesn't happen unless it is absolutely unavoidable.

I've never heard of someone who runs a business that deflects so much about the darn schedule!

I forgot how we got on this subject but he talked about how there are six people who see him weekly and have for years and they are "insufferable" but work hard and he enjoys them. Most others come and go or see him week after week and do not want to change.

I asked him if I was one of six who work hard and he said YES. So I didn't know that INSUFFERABLE means unbearable and intolerable... well isn't that special!!! That is how he sees the six of us...wow.

Did you all know that keeping a calendar of patients was this difficult? If I was thinking clearly I would've said so how will this ever be a safe environment for me?

I was hoping to hear that he would see to it to make sure this didn't happen again. he also said that on the way home from his vacation, WHICH HE HAD A GREAT TIME BY THE WAY HE SAID, he was wondering if I would be mad at him because of the long break.

I just don't know what to do with this information. I did try to make the standing appointment and got July down.

I was hoping I would feel better and I do somewhat but I felt an under current even though he wasn't at all defensive in his tone.

Sometimes I want to scream, I really do. I suffered for 16 days because of how this was handled and I'm the one who is insufferable???????????