I'm sorry you had that experience. It is a traumatic one.
Some time ago, maybe last year, I happened to see my step-father's obituary online. It was a shock, as I had no idea he'd died. I hadn't seen the man for nearly 40 years; I knew he was living in another country, had been for decades. When I read his name things flashed through my mind, horrible things. I was relieved to know he was dead and gone, yet sad, too. What a wasted life he had, a complete and utter waste, living only to hurt people.