I don't know if this needs a trigger warning, so read at your own risk!
________________________________________________
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed for this, but I could really use some support because right now I want to punish myself by SH'ing.

I've talked some with my therapist about sex. Different things. I forget how, but I at some point must have mentioned to her that I would never have sex while on my period. The other week she mentioned that one of the reasons women (and men) like having sex while the woman's menstruating is because there's extra natural lubrication.

So...I tried using my vibrator while on my period. ...And I liked it. I told my H and asked him if he would have sex with me. He said no, he didn't want to get blood on him. I offered to masturbate him, and him masturbate me. He said to just wait until next week. Now normally he wants to be masturbated when I'm on my period, but now that I want it too, he doesn't want it at all.

I feel so gross, disgusting, and like I'm bad. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. And I'm mad (though not her fault) that my therapist normalized sex while menstruating. I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this.

I have to wait until Tuesday to talk about this with my therapist. Normally she would allow email exchanges, but she's busy and said that this conversation deserves in-person. Which btw scares me because even though I can use the big words in writing, speaking them is a whole other thing.