@Rosi700 - thanks for the link. I'm pretty satisfied that I know what my problem is. I've been on just about every psych med you can think of. That is called "the empirical approach" to diagnosing. You get put on a medication. Then, if you improve, they theorize that you have the disorder that such a med treats. For years I was seeing pdocs and therapists. If you keep reporting depression, despite taking antidepressants, pdocs will eventually try everything in the pharmacy. Throw it all up against the wall and see what sticks. Been there, done that. Anti-psychotics, renamed "mood stabilizers" . . . lithium . . . anti-convulsants, also renamed "mood stabilizers" . . . anti-parkinson's agents . . . stimulants . . . anxiolytics. I'm satisfied that I've sampled enough of what's at the drugstore to know how much help I can get from medication. Amitriptyline is helpful. That's it.

My staying well depends on what I have going on in my life. In my younger days, I often felt best when I was working and, also, doing academic work. Having friends helped. Being with my significant other brought a lot of satisfaction, though we had our ups and downs. Currently, I'm retired and not much connected to others. From 2014 to 2020, I cared for my increasingly disabled boyfriend. It was rewarding, but it pretty much took up all my time. When he was gone, COVID was in full swing, and I thought socially isolating was the smart and safe thing to do. A friend that I was spending time with decided she would no longer get vaccinated, so I won't hang out with her. This past year, I would have flown to visit my family far away, but I was had one illness after another to get stabilized.

I'm just too isolated. No one living like this would be mentally healthy. I have to put together some things to get involved in that get me outside of my house and interacting with other humans. I guess I know very well what I need to do. I just have to do it.

Today I didn't do anything. Developing goid habits is going to require breaking bad habits. Secluding in my apartment has become a bad habit. Watching endless television has become a bad habit. Roaming around online has become too easy a diversion. I wanted to get a haircut today, but I didn't. I might go now and see if they're still open.

I know you understand that issues of mental health have multiple causes. I think we both have much experience trying to arrange a satisfying life.

I'm no longer very despondent, as I was when I started this thread. That's a huge relief. I'm not in that trough of depression where I felt paralyzed. The posts that yourself and others have been kind enough to place here made this thread feel like a life preserver I could grab onto, while I was just floundering in waters of emotional pain. Now I'm much better. It's tempting to just enjoy the relief comfy here on the couch. But I know that's just asking for another bout of painful depression. It's time to get off the couch, or I won't stay feeling well for very long.