So, I enrolled at Rockingham Tafe but then decided to change my mind because I already have friends at Murdoch tafe, but I don't hear back from the tafe if there's any spots until the 16th and so I'm worried. I also fear that no matter what course I do that I have no purpose and I'm useful to no one. I think all my obsessions with relationships stem from feeling like I don't have a purpose or I'm not worthy of being. I feel like no matter what I do I can't study. My sole purpose feels like maybe one day I'll have value and have a purpose when I have kids to love and take care of. I feel like I'm useless and can't do anything and so having kids that are useful will compensate for the futile waste of air that I feel often. It's so hard to feel confused and unable to do things, it's a painful existence always feeling like I need something outside of myself to feel worthy of the air I breathe, I don't have anyone to talk to so I talk on here. My sister would just tell me that kids are a stress and not worth it I just wish I could feel worthy and not feel like I have to prove my existence